08:57 pm
17 January 2018

Closeted Man Hot and Bothered About Upcoming Provo Pride Festival

Closeted Man Hot and Bothered About Upcoming Provo Pride Festival

PROVO — In his South Provo home, Chase Adams sits appalled and aghast, his senses aroused by what’s happening in his community.

“It’s bad enough that gays march their shirtless, bronzed, well-toned bodies through downtown Salt Lake City,” Adams says. “Now they think they can strut their hot stuff down here.”

Provo resident Chase Adams, who has spent years building up a heterosexual facade, worries about hot young men having their way with him.

Adams is referring to news that LGBTQ organizers are putting together Provo’s first Pride Festival, something unprecedented for the community. While he purports to be concerned, Adams also continually expresses a strange interest that the Festival be exactly what he fears.

“Oh, I hope they come out strong,” Adams said. “I just hope it’s an event where everyone gets frisky and clothes come off, because I’ll be there on the side, watching and condemning. I’ve been waiting years for this [terrible] day.

“Homosexuality is wrong – the Lord gives no allowance for it” Adams continues. “Hot, sexy young men shouldn’t be parading around, grabbing each other and going behind closed doors.”

Adams harps on these points, despite the fact that the Pride Festival promotes a family-friendly atmosphere, and also includes heterosexuals and LGBTQ people of all ages. It seems the thought of scantily clad young men is something he just can’t shake from his mind.

“How do I explain this to my kids?” Adams said. “When we’ve got these flamboyant young men coming here, shoving their junk right in my face, how am I supposed to stay on the straight and narrow?”

Despite the curious threat that a Pride Festival poses to Adams’ chosen life of disquieting repression, he firmly stands by his convictions.

“With a lot of concentration and will power, one who struggles with same-sex attraction can, over time, learn to have similar feelings toward the opposite gender,” Adams said. “Lord knows it’s not easy. I mean, not that I would know or anything.”