04:32 pm
19 February 2018

Rep. Jason Chaffetz Legally Changes Last Name To Benghazi

Rep. Jason Chaffetz Legally Changes Last Name To Benghazi

On the anniversary of the attack on the diplomatic facility located in Benghazi, Libya, congressman Jason Chaffetz (UT-3) decided to legally change his last name to Benghazi.

“How else will this administration listen? I have so much to say about this!” said Benghazi, shuffling between media interviews. The congressman said he’d email us a “totally good response” to our question about his vote to cut spending that perhaps contributed to security failures at the facility. We’ve yet to receive a cogent response from him.

Benghazi — a representative of not a city in Libya but rather the 3rd district in Utah and current squatter of www.jasonforgovernor.com — said that “the misplaced priorities of this administration are so transparent it makes my blood boil.”

Jason Benghazi, the small-handed former BYU kicker, said that Obama, Hillary Clinton, and the State Department, “sat there like freaking beached whales while terrorists partied at our expense. While they sat around throwing money on climate change initiatives, our patriots in Benghazi — a place I definitely knew existed before the tragedy — were ambushed by terrorists.”

benghazi-CHAFFETZAsked why he settled on the name change, he seemed to respond to the tragedy instead, “it’s simple, just read the internal emails from department officials,” then the congressman did an impressive job tying together the security priorities of Libya with, for some reason I guess, the State Department’s 2012 budget. He tossed in acronyms and fiscal projections and allocated funds while sweating profusely, ending with a defunct gaze toward the ground while whispering, “Benghazi, Benghazi… Benghazi.”