WEST VALLEY CITY, UT — Newly appointed Police Chief Lee Russo gave his first press conference last night and made it clear that a new day is dawning for the beleaguered West Valley City Police Department.
“I have a vision for how WVCPD can move forward,” said Russo. “And perhaps it is time we break from tradition and stop shooting people in the face.”
In a move that will surely ruffle some feathers, Russo laid out a comprehensive plan to reduce the number of people murdered by the city’s police force. His plan includes requiring officers to watch a new training video entitled “Maybe Ask A Question First,” which would be a departure from the tone of the current training video, “Kill ‘Em All, Let God Sort ‘Em Out.”
West Valley City mayor Mike Winder points out that the city has a long tradition of saving taxpayer money by asking officers to take on the additional roles of judge, jury, and executioner. “I think the free market favors a gun-first approach to policing,” said Winder. “But Chief Russo has assured me that we will make up the difference with a reduction in bullet purchases. I guess time will tell.”
Russo admits that the transition will be slow. “Rest assured, we won’t go cold turkey right away of course,” said Russo. “We need to be honest with ourselves and recognize the fact that sometimes our officers are going to gun down unarmed suspects at the slightest provocation. But I think that number could be lower.”