10:45 am
30 April 2017

Area Harlot Seen Holding Hands at 7-11

Area Harlot Seen Holding Hands at 7-11
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The woman of ill-repute was seen holding hands at this 7-11. 

PROVO, UT — Sources have confirmed that local skank Mallory Kimball, 23, was seen grasping hands with 25 year-old college student and reported uber-hunk, Aaron Rasmussen, as the duo left the 7-11 on University Avenue late Friday evening. “I mean, I hate to say it, but what sort of shiftless gutter-trash goes around just holding hands as if it’s nobody’s business like that?” said shocked onlooker Taryn Bowles. “Like, I know we’ve all surrendered ourselves to the shameful revelry of Free Slurpee Day before, but gosh, didn’t she go bowling with Adam Lacreaux just last week?” As of press time, unconfirmed reports have surfaced that Ms. Kimball has also been seen engaging in such potentially scandal-ridden acts as getting a second set of piercings in her ears, eating a submarine sandwich with John Cranston from down the block, and wearing shorts that creep dangerously above the knees.

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