A contingent of vocal Tooele residents expressed a firm desire to change the name of the shopping orgy known as the popularly-designated ‘Black Friday’ to a name they claim is “safer” to them: ‘White Friday.’
“I mean, why do they need their day? You don’t see a White Friday yet–why do they get their own day?” said Grant Dobbler, whose vigor placed him as a stand-in leader of the group. “I’d rather go to The Walmarts on White Friday, it would just make me more comfortable. That’s why we want to make the change.”
The 17 disgruntled residents chanted with upheld signs near the Pratt Aquatic Center, sounding cries to the hearing-aided elderly folks departing aerobic classes as well as the towel-swaddled youngsters with jittering teeth leaving swimming lessons.
“No surprise they have their president now. That’s what happens. They get you used to smaller things, like History Month and Entertainment Television stations and Oprah,” said Susannah Walters. “I want to save seven dollars on Blu-ray movies on my own terms. I don’t feel comfortable taking my kids on… that day.”
Walters and Dobbler said they aren’t sure how and through whom effective change may be brought, but they “filled out the thing on the Mike Lee Senator Internet page” and are awaiting his response. “He’s such a darling, that Mike Lee. Oh, we just love him,” said Walters.
Dobbler said he didn’t create a petition on whitehouse.gov because, “that socialist website is blocked in my household. I went ahead and blocked blackhouse.gov as well, cuz you know that’s coming soon, huh. You know it is.”