03:20 pm
27 May 2017

LEAKED: UVU’s Professional Sales Program Midterm Exam Making Rounds Online

LEAKED: UVU’s Professional Sales Program Midterm Exam Making Rounds Online
Utah Vivint University

(click to enlarge)

 

OREM, UT – Utah Vivint University’s Professional Sales Program Midterm Exam Leaked

It only took a few days after the announcement of the VIVINT™-funded Professional Sales Program before the pilot-program’s midterm exam was leaked to the public. The source of the leak, Dolly Dennings — the front desk employee of a spray tan establishment — claims this was not whistleblower work of a program insider, but rather a guinea-pig student’s attempt to use the document as collateral for a yearlong spray tan membership;  that 10.5/15 in anything is a currency-backed type of score left the source and this correspondent flabbergasted.

FLAT BILLS PAY THE BILL$

FLAT BILLS PAY THE BILL$

In addition to rigorous exams and classwork, the program will also feature a compulsory 3 month summer internship, in which participants will be “paid” in experience and van fumes, a cheap alternative to today’s costly designer drugs. The inevitable comparisons to the Missionary Training Center in nearby Provo have shown up on Twitter already.

There is no word yet on when UVU will add the color orange to its institutional branding and logos.

 

5 comments

  • Is this seriously an exam? It sounds like street slang with your local home boy… UVU really needs to step up their teaching or go back to a college!

    Reply
    • Have you read any of this publication’s content? It’s satirical. It’s clearly aimed at getting a reaction from the frosted-tip, overpriced-jeaned, egomaniacal money-obsessed pretty boys who often work for vivint. It wont be surprising to see a few of them comment something like “Call me whatever you want, I make more in a summer than you’ll probably make in your career…” Wait for it.

      Reply
      • If I made that kind of money I would probably by a nice vehicle and wear quality clothing as well haha. Make ma and pa proud. I’m sick of being a poor college student. Mac and cheese for life!

        Reply
  • Praise the man who wrote this article, Freaking hysterical. Obnoxious effing vivint dudebros. Read the actual leaked exam, it’s hilarious and spot on.

    Reply

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