09:38 pm
17 October 2017

Zion Curtains Decorated by Bountiful Hills 14th Ward Relief Society

Zion Curtains Decorated by Bountiful Hills 14th Ward Relief Society
It's rumored this approach to Zion would make Hugh Nibley proud (photo by Steven Depolo)

With wafts of hairspray aloft and gossip to boot, dozens of women from the Bountiful Hills 14th Ward this afternoon busily embroidered in an effort to make the Zion Curtains more Pinteresting.

The lovably named Zion Curtain refers to the barriers between the bar area of a restaurant and where food is served in order to—as it is argued—keep children from witnessing the pernicious act of drink mixing. The requirement has been the subject of much division between the state’s legislative bodies and those wanting efficiency in the leisurely financial choices afforded to citizens at restaurants.

The charitable sisters of the Bountiful Hills 14th Ward said they sensed that they could do something to help people feel more comfortable with having both their intelligence and their space insulted: they could pretty up the divisive walls.

And now when Bishop Cory Antumer saw that his ward’s Relief Society was in possession of unmatched talent in the city of Bountiful, and saw that according to works of their hands the sight of liquor had fled from innocent eyes, he said, “I’m certain this approach to Zion would make Hugh Nibley proud.”

The Bountiful Hills 14th Ward Relief Society hard at work.

The Bountiful Hills 14th Ward Relief Society hard at work, beautifying Zion [curtains] for Finca.

Gina Smothers beamed as she leafed through a stack of vinyl cutouts. “We have several themes going,” she said. “Here’s our ‘under the sea’ theme, see the fishes? And here’s my favorite: the ‘Tuscan Balcony Garden’ theme.”

The sisters will be busy working throughout the month, calling restaurants to find out which theme would best beguile their atmosphere. Only one restaurant owner responded to our interview request. “I told them a ‘spring garden’ theme might be a bit out of place in my dive, seeing as there is a half-naked Budweiser chick and, of course, there is the singing trout plaque, you know?” said Marty Bower, owner of Marty’s Growlers n’ Grub. “But then I thought, so is a big fucking wall on the goddamn counter.” For the time being, he is undecided between the garden theme and the ‘swans at sunset.’

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload the CAPTCHA.