Kelsey Olsen, a CTR in the Payson 10th Ward, is not getting such a nice surprise this spring. A church court is popping right before her eyes.
Olsen is being threatened with excommunication on allegations of apostasy for “openly, repeatedly and deliberately acting in public opposition to the church and its leaders.” The questioning little heathen reportedly challenged her Priesthood-less auxiliary leaders by refusing to join the choreographed hand motions of the beloved Primary hit, “Popcorn Popping.”
“The song says it wasn’t really so, but it seemed to be,” said Olsen, “I just felt like I was telling a fib with my hands.”
LDS Church spokeswoman Bonnie Pratt emphasizes the growing need for early apostasy intervention. “In this internet age, we are being forced to sniff out activist members determined to change doctrine to comply with their personal beliefs. In this war, no battle or person is too small. Olsen should have thought about that before luring her classmates into darkness.”
At the time of this report, the Mormon church’s recent efforts are being received with open arms and deep conviction by millennials.