04:13 pm
17 December 2017

“Dog Had It Coming:” SLC Cop and Novice Resident Evil Player Finally Exacts Revenge

“Dog Had It Coming:” SLC Cop and Novice Resident Evil Player Finally Exacts Revenge

As far as one SLC police officer was concerned, Geist, a local Weinanamer, was a t-virus infected marauding zombie beast that had to be destroyed.


Geist will hopefully become a polterGeist to haunt the police officer who killed him.

“I saw the dog making movement toward me, and I thought, I don’t have dog teeth! But I do have a gun,” the officer said.

The exasperated owner of the non-zombie, man’s-best-friend dog, Sean Kendall, told KSL, “I have [Geist’s body] wrapped up in a blanket in the back of my truck, and now I have to go bury him.”

The as-yet-unnamed officer, who had finally, at long last, completed stage seven of the popular video game, said that through incessant play he had acquired the skills to know how to “handle aggressive dogs.”

“That dog had it coming — I could see all the telltale signs of a full-blown zombie dog,” the officer said, referring to the dog who allegedly left its kennel to see what was going on.

Later, when it was pointed out to him that this dog was in fact friendly and did not pose any danger, the officer showed minimal signs of remorse.

“That’s a shame,” the officer said. “Still, better safe than sorry. Do you want to risk getting the t-virus and unleashing an apocalyptic catastrophe upon mankind? Yeah, didn’t think so.”

Some say that while unfortunate, the shooting of an innocent animal is an improvement over Utah’s Finest shooting unarmed innocents. Despite this, however, Police Chief Burbank says he wants to ensure the safety of all dogs in the city — or at least pure-bred ones like Geist.

“This kind of thing can’t be tolerated,” said Chief Burbank. “I mean this isn’t West Valley, and the dog wasn’t a minority.”

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