09:44 pm
17 October 2017

Fans of SERIAL Brace For Host Sarah Koenig to Propose Marriage to Adnan Syed in Prison During the Final Episode

Fans of SERIAL Brace For Host Sarah Koenig to Propose Marriage to Adnan Syed in Prison During the Final Episode

Serial, the podcast which has sparked the safest family/friend arguments this holiday season, is set to release the 12th and final episode of its intoxicating first season.

Serial focuses on the mysteries surrounding the 1999 murder of Hae Min Lee, an 18-year-old Woodlawn High School student in Baltimore. The podcast is a runaway hit, due in large part to many fans’ pestering evangelism, usually to the tune of: “Have you listened to Serial? Have you? Have you? Mail Khymp.

Speculation is rampant as to how the decidedly indecisive season’s arc will end, and whether host Sarah Koenig will offer a satisfying resolution, particularly after the penultimate episode offered little hints. Lightning-eyed Redditors have left the cavernous realms of respective mothers’ basements and joined other devotees in cafes across the country to come to a common-sense consensus (read: upvoted more than any other option in the sub) as to how the first season will end:

Fans are unanimously clamoring that Serial’s host Sarah Koenig will offer her hand in marriage to her affable subject, Adnan, the erstwhile prisoner of the crime dissected in the podcast.

We caught up with a few of the fans at the Sugarhouse Barnes & Noble, since they were easily spotted with their thick Ira Glasses and puzzled intensity.

I wonder which cell-tower will ping when she records her proposal on her cell phone at the jail?” — Craigery Charleston

Well, I mean if the infamous Charles Manson can get married, then what’s preventing a podcast darling from tying the knot?” — Mary Anderson

NO WAY. Koenig won’t propose. It’s Jay. JAY will propose to Adnan. I just know it.” — Morgan Ruglascin

I hope she describes dropping down on her knee in the self-effacing, well-intentioned interrogative way we are all so used to by now.” — Bill Ented

Both kids were smoking the marijuana cigarettes that day, so it’s clear they both were the violent offenders.” — Seven nodding, hot-chocolate holding baby boomers

With the future knot of marriage being the only thing tied up in Serial, fans are going to be left wondering about the rest of the unanswered questions. What about Jay and Jenn? Are they in cahoots? Do we even get to hear an interview with Jenn? With Stephanie? Did Jay cheat on Stephanie with Jenn and Hae was the only one who knew, so Jay killed her and thought he’d be able to get away with it? Why did Jay’s story change so much after he was given the phone records showing Adnan’s phone calling so many numbers only known to Jay? What about the shovels at the mall? Has Adnan been given an audiobook-reading contract yet? Why the very particular reference to Hae’s cold, blue lips from Jay? Did Best Buy have a phonebooth or not? Why was Hae’s new boyfriend Don so easily dismissed–was his alibi really strong enough? Whose female voice is that in the Serial promo, the one quoted saying, “Basically threatened me, like, you know what happened to Hae. This is what’s going to happen to you. That’s how I felt that day.” That quote hasn’t yet been used in the first season.

Oh, who cares. It’s time to find out when Sarah and Adnan will walk down the aisle. Rumors that the wedding’s meal will include shrimp from the Crab Crib are already afloat.

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