08:43 pm
17 January 2018

‘I’ For An ‘I’: LDS Church Affirms Stance That They Put The ‘I’ In Victim

‘I’ For An ‘I’: LDS Church Affirms Stance That They Put The ‘I’ In Victim

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints affirmed their stance that they “Put the ‘I’ in victim,” and then doubled down and said they, “Put the [wh]Y in apology” in a both a press conference and a session of the Salt Lake Tribune’s #TribTalk on Thursday.

Under the umbrella of supporting basic rights toward the LGBT community, the church made sure everyone knows that they can feel victimized, too, when victimizing.

“Fairness for all is what we seek. When we systemically oppress a targeted group, we want you to know that our feelings are hurt when we are called bigots and other mean names. A look back at our church’s history shows that we consistently get called mean things when we supposedly “attack” groups. It really hurts our feelings,” said Elder Todd Christofferson, of the church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

Without alluding to the exclusionary tactics they’ve exacted themselves, Elders Christofferson, Dallin H. Oaks, Jeffrey R. Holland, and Young Women’s leader Neill Marriott spent the press conference pleading for laws—in the jurisdiction of the United States of America, whose amber waves aren’t gluten free—that protect faith communities and individuals here, in the oft-called Christian nation, the United States of America, the beneficent homeland of enshrined, faith-insulated documents such as the Bill of Rights.

Since actions speak louder than words, the leaders used words to bequeath immunity from discriminatory tactics and actions.

“Let’s not forget that [LDS] leaders are the mouthpiece for the Lord; when it comes to pass, they speak; verily it is His unfaltering guidance we are receiving,” said Gerald Anderson, bishop of the Bluffdale 2nd Ward. “When Elder [Boyd K.] Packer said in 1976 that no one is born gay—to think that is even possible is a malicious lie—that was the Lord speaking. Years later, He said same-sex attraction exists—that it’s not a sin to feel the urges, merely to act on them—that, too ,was the Lord speaking. Okay, so follow me. Now we’re told that it’s okay not to oppress the LGBT community, as long as we don’t get our feelings hurt by being called bigots. Again, this is simply the Lord keeping up with the times.”

The church leaders closed out their #TribTalk statements when Elder Oaks cried out, with apparently another attempt at keeping up with the times, “Hashtag SorryNotSorry” before slapping hands and winking at Elder Christofferson, who looked quite uncomfortable indeed.