04:32 pm
19 February 2018

Mitt Romney Once Again Satiates His Lose-To-Black-Man Kink

Mitt Romney Once Again Satiates His Lose-To-Black-Man Kink
Rick Bowmer/AP

Well gee-willickers, it appears that Mitt Romney, grandfather of two dozen, has, my gosh, decided to publicly satiate his unbridled longing to lose to a black man once again.

Romney, who has repeatedly tried to introduce Ann to The Mailman Karl Malone, is said to have loved losing to black men ever since the first Rocky movie depicted Rocky losing to Apollo Creed in a split-decision.

The 68-year-old former Massachusetts governor, who was summarily trounced in the 2012 presidential election by a black man, is slated to get his bottom absolutely pummeled in the boxing ring by former world heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield, a black man.

The event in which Romney will tap into his deepest desires in life by falling short to a black man is expected to raise $1 million toward medical equipment, surgeries, screenings and medical training for Charity Vision, a Utah-based nonprofit of which Romney’s son Josh is the volunteer part-time president.

His other son, Tagg, who is manning the corner for the lose-to-black-man fetishist, said, “I just love my dad so much, and I love what my dad loves, and golly, I just want to be right there for him as he chooses once again to be all-across-the-board absolutely ablated by a black man.”