05:54 pm
17 February 2018

University of Utah Mathematicians Simplify “Libertarian” Into “White Men,” Saving Three Syllables

University of Utah Mathematicians Simplify “Libertarian” Into “White Men,” Saving Three Syllables

In a move of linguistic whittling, University of Utah mathematicians Dr. Samantha Julavits and Dr. Nicholas MacDonald have successfully shortened the term “Libertarian” into “White Men,” which means the same thing and saves three syllables.

“It was an attempt to make the term less complicated and clearer, by reducing it into a simpler form by cancellation of common factors, and a regrouping of terms in the same variable,” said Dr. Julavits.

Tanner, a local White Man who refused to give his last name and preferred to go by “/u/Ayn_Stein,” said that the change of the term was “a dastard distraction away from the essential and way more important argument of the State vs. Liberty.”

White Men are proponents of abstracted terms such as “liberty,” which to most means ‘a state of being free within society from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on one’s way of life, behavior, or political views.’ But to White Men, the term’s more elastic, stretching to include ‘the power or scope to act as one pleases’ with the kicker prepositional phrase ‘without consequences.’

“I am absolutely appalled by the blatant racism these mathematicians displayed. I don’t feel the need to check my white privilege because—unlike Drs. Julavits and MacDonald—I don’t see skin color. Rather, I see people. It really breaks my heart to see these supposed “intellectuals” undermining everything people of color have fought for and accomplished,” said /u/Ayn_Stein.

We tried asking /u/Ayn_Stein another question, but he kept talking:

“A hero of mine, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., once said, “I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” I seriously thought we had finally reached that point, and I’m not alone. I know just as much as the next man that equality and all of our dreams are important. #AllDreamsMatter”