A baker’s dozen of illiterate conservatives were surprised to be greeted with thank-yous at the east-central Salt Lake Planned Parenthood location due to an across-the-board vowel mix-up during their ill-fated protest. The signs, meant as an imperative toward policymakers, read “Defend Planned Parenthood” instead of “Defund Planned Parenthood.”

The mistakes were made with varieties of handwriting styles and poster materials, which indicated the collective blunder was actually the stumbling of distinct individuals who’ve all but thrown the carcass of procedural memory to the wolves of reliance on spell-check software. Collections of correctly spelled words do not a viable sentence make.

The Anti-Choice (née the misnomer ‘Pro-Life’) movement—which prides itself on denying the rights of women not only to choose for themselves befitting types of health services, but to further deny a safe and legal avenue for said choices—is said to be “anamored” by the youthful vigor of the protesters, some of whom had yet to celebrate a 53rd birthday.

Editor’s Note: Journalistic ethics of non-interference prevented us from correcting or commenting on their future plans for ‘Plant Parenthood’, though we wish the horticultural community the best of luck.