01:50 pm
23 April 2017

Gary R. Herbert Unanimously Confirmed As Prophet, Seer And Governor

Gary R. Herbert Unanimously Confirmed As Prophet, Seer And Governor

His Seership—the divinely inspired gubernatorial voice of holiness, Gary Richard Herbert—was formerly sworn in as prophet, seer, and governor, with all members manifesting their approval.

“All in favor please manifest it by the uplifted hand; all opposed please manifest it,” echoed throughout LDS congregations in wards and stakes across Utah, and with that Gary R. Herbert was confirmed as the church/state’s mouthpiece for Him who dwells on high.

LDS faithful are thrilled with the development—”If you think about it, it just makes sense,” said Kyle Davis, mild-mannered Church Office Building employee. “He’s LDS; he leads our state, but is subject to what the leaders of the Church have to say. So why not just make him Seer along with being governor? It cuts out the bureaucracy, which, if you know anything about us conservatives, is a practice we profess to love.”

This vote brings added authority to the Guv’s divinely led campaign to dismantle ungodly institutions such as Planned Parenthood, which, besides his disapproval of all things ‘hood’, he feels is a threat to the fragile fabric of all conservative, God-fearing Utahns.

“I believe I speak for all of us when I say that we unanimously support President/Governor Herbert,” said Millcreek 431st Ward Bishop Nephi Ammon. “It’s important that the elected leader of Utah make all of his decisions based on faith, Mormon doctrine, and our common hatred of Barack Obama.”

State Senator Shayson Froerer agreed: “Church and state should be indistinguishable like the founding fathers intended. We need to follow the examples of those Middle Eastern countries we hate so much.”

When Brigham Young led the saints into the Salt Lake Valley in 1847, he served as both the religious leader and the territorial governor—a proud tradition that continues in Utah to this day.

At press time, Brother Herbert was googling less-exotic synonyms of “sharia law” for his State of the State address.

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