04:37 am
18 January 2018

Nice Try, Atheists, BYU Won With A Hail Mary! Good Job, Jesus!

Nice Try, Atheists, BYU Won With A Hail Mary! Good Job, Jesus!

Brow-beaten God-denialists are flustered after a glimmer of Heaven shone down in Lincoln, Nebraska as the Lord’s Team won after Tanner Mangum’s last-second, game-winning Hail Mary pass fell into Mitch Mathews’ hands via divine intervention.

BYU won 33-28—despite the groveling of those like famed Creator hater Bill Maher—against the Nebraska Cornhuskers in what is now called, without a hint of clunky alliteration, The Mangum-to-Mathews Miracle at Memorial Stadium. “Is this Detmer vs. Miami revisited?” said BYU fan Donnie Smoot, “Maybe! All I know is we’re marching toward another 1984, and I don’t mean 2+2!”

For the third time in 35 months, BYU’s starting QB Taysom Hill suffered a season-ending injury, but, “God is good—Gosh, God is reeeeaaallll good!” according to myriad Sunday testimonies shattering the bevy of so-called knowledge from the likes of faithless funny-man Ricky Gervais.

Coach Bronco Mendenhall’s gleeful post-game gallop on the field in front of 90,000 fans and a national television audience after the Cougars snapped Nebraska’s 29-year season-opening win streak was a .gif gift to fans and a demeaning pirouette over the souls of Richard Dawkins devotees.

“I’m thankful for the long weekend–I binged on sugar super hard after the win, and that coupled with the treacherous 8-hour fast on Sunday left me a gurgling mess come Monday. Take that, Darwin! We got a DARN WIN.”