10:34 am
20 September 2017

MIRACLE! Savior Gulls Intervene in BYU-Michigan Game

MIRACLE! Savior Gulls Intervene in BYU-Michigan Game

After a hapless, scoreless showing in the lopsided 31-0 loss–and nary a Mangum miracle–at least another miracle familiar to the faithful (but shocking to Ann Arbor fans), was able to hit the field. Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh’s clearly urine-soaked khakis signaled the arrival of seagulls, which scooped up a fair number of flabbergasted Wolverines.

This erstwhile tactic is occasionally employed by The All Knowing on behalf of His anointed. “The first time, it was crickets that caused the Lord to send his avian angels help his chosen people,” said BYU coach Bronco Mendenhall. “This time, it was Wolverines.”

This precedented miracle is evidence of the fasting and prayer efforts of BYU students, fans and alumni, who were horrified at the prospect of simply being destroyed by a team that had been destroyed by the University of Utah. “The humiliation of a mere shutout loss would have been unbearable,” said Ryan Thompson, a huuuge BYU fan who drove out to the game. “In the absence of any stunning Hail Mary heaves, or really scoring any points at all–it sure was nice of the Lord to send those gulls again.”

“We do know he’s a jealous and vengeful God, as stated countless times in the Bible, so I think that’s what we saw here today,” said announcer Chris Spielman. “Maybe Aaron Rodgers was wrong–God is more than just a Packers fan.”

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