09:37 am
24 June 2017

Refugees Relieved As Flyover States Refuse Them

Refugees Relieved As Flyover States Refuse Them
pic: Reuters/Leonhard Foeger

As news proliferates that more than half of all state governors—despite no legal justification—have announced they are unwilling to welcome Syrian refugees into their state, the refugees themselves are delighted to know they are avoiding the flyover states in the Union.

“My family has been through so much,” said Ahmed Nasser, who had to flee his village under bombardment from both ISIS and Assad’s forces. “To live in a waste of space like Ohio on top of it all? The racism of their governor is the only break we’ve gotten in a long time,” Nasser said, before breaking into song, singing “New York, New York.”

Many refugees are grateful to be accepted anywhere that isn’t war-torn and where one must live in a constant state of fear like their homeland, and yet they also express preference to avoid those states where the people’s bigotry might worsen their plight or those states that simply just suck.

“When we first appl[ied] for refugee status, my daughter she looks up at me and says ‘but not Idaho, right, papa?’,” Nasser said. “Utah will allow us in—my God, Utah. Hmm, I guess it’s fine as long as there are no baptisms planned.”

“We’re happy that these, how do you say, douchenozzles, do not want us so we do not have to deal with their shit,” said another refugee in passing, continuing a long trek to eventually end up in the beautiful state of Washington.

Another refugee, Yana Basara, was really worried she and her two children would end up in some shithole like Georgia. But, stating that “their racism is a true blessing,” Basara—whose family has been through enough mortifying events—is looking forward to the beach, Disneyland, and a supportive community.

“California, here we come!” Basara said.

 

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