03:12 pm
27 May 2017

God Has Awkward Encounter With Both Men He Endorsed For President

God Has Awkward Encounter With Both Men He Endorsed For President
God: "Damn it."

CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA : Christ Deluxe Megachurch was the scene for an encounter straight out of television as God The Father, best known for creating the universe, bumped into neurosurgeon Ben Carson and Texas Sen. Ted Cruz—who had each been told by The Omniscient One personally that only they could save America, and that they should totally run for president.

Heavenly Father was seen chatting with Dr. Carson,  then said he was “going to get us another drink” and instead started a new conversation with Sen. Cruz. The 90-minute charade came to an end as The Creator Of All That Is exited the men’s room to find Cruz and Carson standing side-by-side with their arms crossed in a “no you didn’t!” fashion.

“Ben, Ted—I didn’t know that you two knew each other,” the Executor Of Justice And Reward was heard to stammer.

Tensions had risen earlier in the evening as the two presidential candidates bragged to each other about the new guy who’d endorsed them, both describing Our Father In Heaven in more and more detail until shouting “wait YOU’RE with God?” at the same time.

In a climax described by attendees as “exactly like that episode of Frasier,” God was confronted by the two candidates who took turns splashing wine in the deity’s face, before high-fiving and storming out together.

At press time, billionaire television personality Donald Trump had confirmed that his endorsement from the devil was “100% exclusive and fantastic. You won’t believe this guy’s support. He reminds me of someone else.”

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