10:18 pm
15 December 2017

Salivating Utahns Urge Romney To Create New Beehive Party

Salivating Utahns Urge Romney To Create New Beehive Party

After former presidential nominee darling Mitt Romney addressed the state of the 2016 election, Utahns salivated on the prospect of Mitt Romney starting a new political party: The Beehive Party.

“I agree with everything he said about that phony fraud Trump—but those who actually listen to Mitt aren’t voting for Trump either way. It needs to come to pass for Mitt Romney to be the guinea pig of a new political party, the Beehive Party. I mean, he’s such a hard worker, busy as a bee—he’d be the perfect embodiment of this,” said Barbara Worthington, a self-proclaimed “hugest fan” of Mr. Romney.

Romney’s speech was initially thought to have been an opportunity for him to throw his hat into the ring, perhaps in a chaotic brokered convention. Parker T. Snow, a car salesman and former Romney backer is however, “crossing my fingers for a Romney run. I don’t even know if it’s possible at this point. I will vote for Rubio if I have to—I mean he was briefly a member [of the LDS Church]—but I really miss Mitt’s sculpted aura. Come on, America, he looks the part. I mean, golly, did you hear his joke? That Donald ‘is a twisted example of evil trumping good.’ Donald’s last name is Trump. Terrific.”

Further details on the potential creation of the new party are being ironed out by former Romney advisers and concerned GOP operatives, while Romney is said to be waiting until at least after March 15, when the GOP race will be much clearer between frontrunner Trump, and his rivals Cruz, Rubio, and Kasich.

If the whisperings of the new party hold true, though, Romney’s fate is that of the lobsters in the galley of the Titanic in Norm MacDonald’s joke—the GOP’s imminent disaster is doomsday for everyone but him.


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