10:18 pm
15 December 2017

Hipster Mormon Chomping At Bit To Do Prince’s Temple Work

Hipster Mormon Chomping At Bit To Do Prince’s Temple Work
I will go and do.

Local progressive Mormon Kyle Rogers Nelson was saddened to hear legendary musician Prince passed on earlier today while Nelson was working at his startup company. Hoping to hear an angelic Revolution backing his revered hero in the afterlife, he decided to take action.

“We had a meeting this morning, but I canceled it. I couldn’t deal with the day-to-day tasks when one of my idols had just been found to be dead at his studio,” Nelson said. “I’m going to the temple right after work, and as the spirit leads me I will do his temple work so he can give the necessary tokens to get into heaven. Plus, my genealogical work led to my discovery that I think I’m related to Prince, so I feel a special connection and obligation to do this work,” Nelson added.

The stylish modern Mormon who’s managed to keep his faith intact despite the CES Letter fully anticipates that The Purple One will be given a funky temple name suitable to his exploits in the telestial realm, even as he ascends flamboyancy to the higher echelons of celestial glory.

“My hope is that up there Prince will mix things up,” said Nelson. “God has a place for the eccentrics who stretch our imagination; he was ennobled with those traits better than anyone. I hope to help get him up there to do just that.”

Besides Prince, Nelson alleges to have done the temple work for Elliott Smith, Kurt Cobain, Brian Jones, and a host of other rock-n-roll icons. Saving Prince’s soul, he says, is a progression of the Lord’s work he has taken on and perhaps the apotheosis of his bringing-celebrities-to-salvation salvo.

Nelson, who brings his own temple attire to perform the good work, says he plans on bringing his special raspberry colored, temple-approved beret for this special occasion.

“I’m going to replay his guitar solo of “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” all day long. The way he throws his guitar in the air at the end—man, that’s how doves cry for sure.”







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