08:49 pm
17 January 2018

Bored Mormon Teen Demands Melchizedexit Referendum

Bored Mormon Teen Demands Melchizedexit Referendum

What started as a simple tweet from Beck Smoot–whose profile suggests he’s a “fan of CoD, BMX, Twizzlers. Oh, and AJ Styles is greater than Harry Styles duh.”–has swept through various Snapchat Stories in teen Mormon circles. Beck’s simple question was, “Should the teenage Melchizedek Priesthood holder remain a holder of the priesthood or leave it? #Melchizedexit

Smoot argues that since 12-year-old boys have difficulty with things as small as washing one’s hands that perhaps they shouldn’t be entrusted with passing the Lord’s blood to penitent congregants. And as far as 18-year-old kids being given the higher priesthood? “My older brother has crashed my dad’s Beemer twice, and he’s almost 18. Pretty sure he shouldn’t be proffering holy truths or blessing anyone anytime soon.”

The Mountain Dew devotee then added a proclamation of sorts, “We teens are being held back by the priesthood, and there are too many rules imposed on us for very little in return. I don’t want people thinking we can just bail them out when they make their own mistakes. The Johnson’s basement flooded, and a bunch of Elders went to help clean up. We all know their kids are heavy sprinkler and slip-n-slide users. Let them fend for themselves henceforth.”

Smoot said that he will devote a few hours a week during the summer gathering signatures on his petition, which he says he has not yet drawn up. “I’m 16 and I know how to starch a dress shirt. How is this fair? I roundly denounce this and other expectations, and I trust my peers will follow suit and vote to leave the priesthood. If most of us want out of the priesthood, that’s our choice. Why should they care? Give us a democratic vote. Let us Leave the Priesthood, or let us Remain with the Priesthood. It’s not like we aren’t allowed to have it and are asking for it–we have it and don’t want it. Be chill.”

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