06:05 pm
17 February 2018

Amidst Hateful Quagmire, Class Action Lawsuit Filed Against God

Amidst Hateful Quagmire, Class Action Lawsuit Filed Against God

Better lawyer up, All Knowing — it looks like you’re going to court.

After a disastrous 2016 which featured the deaths of many beloved celebrities and musicians as well as the election of Donald J. Trump, a class action lawsuit has been filed against the Almighty, yea, even Elohim, for all the bullshit we are now facing.

“Last year was just a wreck. Remember how early Bowie died and we joked how potentially ominous it was? Now, just a week into President Trump’s term, every day is replete with more and more dire news that makes me wonder if God even gives a fuck anymore,” said attorney Walter Stinson, who is spearheading the class action lawsuit.

God’s blind eye is not going unnoticed as of late: despite that the vast amount of the refugees Trump’s ban will affect are fleeing situations caused by US foreign policy, the president has banned entry to those from seven Muslim-majority countries who have had zero fatal attacks on US soil since 1975.

While the legalization of weed in some states, as well as the Utah legislature’s unexpected reconsideration of the Zion Curtain, have certainly offered some solace amidst the clusterfuck we are all immersed in, Stinson and others don’t want to let God think that this sort of passive approach is going to fly anymore.

“From what we understand, this isn’t the first time. Remember how He once flooded the Earth? And also he apparently just allows shit to happen just to “test” us? On what precedent is this alternatively baleful and capricious or just plain indifferent behavior justified? I submit none,” Stinson continued.

It’s been reported that Lucifer and the fallen third have joined in on the lawsuit, citing being kicked out of heaven as unlawful and unwarranted behavior by the Creator. It seems that the hope would be to end the pre-mortal travel ban they’ve encountered for untold millennia.