04:43 am
18 January 2018

“Mr. Herbert, Tear Down This Curtain!” Proclaims An Emboldened Senator Dabakis

“Mr. Herbert, Tear Down This Curtain!” Proclaims An Emboldened Senator Dabakis

In front of the familiar frosty glass that surrounds and sequesters the view of any strong drinks from the eyes of the innocent, Senator Jim Dabakis delivered an impassioned demand to our Governor: “Mr. Herbert, tear down this curtain!”

As the senator spoke, the crowds were moved; many cheered, some wept. Historians commented without irony that this day would indeed go down in history. Hundreds felt inspired at the thought of finally seeing mixologists prepare their favorite cocktails unencumbered by censorship; an oddity that has come to characterize the experience of ordering drinks in our great state.

Senator Dabakis, a frequent and vociferous voice for reason and sanity in the legislature, gripped the pulpit and continued, as if seized by a greater power. With boldness, he addressed those gathered to watch the dawn of a new era: “When they first put up this curtain, they said they would bury the sight of alcohol from us. But now out here in the Salt Lake Valley today, we see a free people and legislature that has achieved a level of maturity and wisdom that is unprecedented in this great state.”

The moment of significance, wherein the throngs hoped to bear witness to the downfall and collapse of the bolshy impediments, was not lost to those who were in attendance. In his direct and powerful tone, Senator Dabakis continued to challenge the conservative bloc: “We hear much from the Capitol about a new policy of reform and openness. Some stringent parts of alcohol law have been relaxed. Certain establishments are no longer being harassed by undercover DABC agents. Some talk has transpired about allowing economic enterprises to operate with greater freedom from state control.

“Are these the beginnings of profound changes in the Beehive State? Or are they token gestures intended to raise false hopes with non-Mormons? We welcome change and openness; for we believe that freedom and security to drink freely go together, that the advance of human liberty can only strengthen the cause of seeing your drink mixed in front of your own eyes.”

And finally, in one last dramatic gesture of grandiloquence, the Senator swiftly and powerfully challenged the Head of State himself: “Governor Herbert, if you seek peace, if you seek liberty of libation for the people of the State of Utah: Come here to this partition. Mr. Herbert, tear down this curtain!”