Beehive Bugle

Court: Miss Riverton Way Too Pretty to be Accountable for Actions

News, Opinion, Politics | by Meriwether Clark

Echoing dismayed cries and internet comments around the state, the courts have ruled that Kendra Gill is just a silly girl and therefore cannot be held accountable for endangering the lives and limbs of others when she threw bottle bombs…

Late BYU Pass Leads to Virginia Win

Sports | by Timothy McFoster

SPORTS — A tough loss on the road befell the BYU Cougars as they faced the Virginia Cavaliers in the season opener on Saturday 19-16. A two-hour lightning and rain delay could not dissuade BYU quarterback Taysom Hill from passing…

Obama to Nation: “I’ll handle this Syria bullshit”

Utah Leaders Lament Inevitable Google Fiber-Induced Porn Torrent

Featured Posts, News | by G. Samuel Pitts

Google’s plans to bring Internet speeds hardly known to most of planet Earth to Salt Lake City have many local bishops on edge. “We’ve sent requests to the General Authorities, asking for at least a 3rd councilor. Heck, maybe even…

West Jordan Man Shoots Down Abortion While Portions of Eggs Chute Down His Throat

News | by Timothy McFoster

WEST JORDAN — Banker Ron Gassoul ordered eggs Friday morning at West Jordan’s Black Bear Diner and immediately ordered up his abortion opinion. “Look, the lazy baby-killer liberals love to talk about abortions like it’s a Tupperware party. Well I’m…

Local Graywhale Employee Only Going to Twilight Concert for Opening Band

Many Utahns Worried We Might Not Get Mired Enough in Syria

Featured Posts, News, Politics | by G. Samuel Pitts

SALT LAKE CITY- With the Iraq war having ended ages ago, and the war in Afghanistan really winding down, many local Republicans are worried that soon there might not even be one war going on. “We barely have a very…