Happy Valley

Utah Football Players Exhorted by BYU Fans To Be Immediately Immersed in Water in Response To Abhorrent Immersed in Water Incident

Rivalry week activated the modestly-covered thin skin of BYU fans after a video surfaced of University of Utah football players immersing one another into contained areas of water. BYU fans ignited with righteous indignation and demanded the players repent of…

Late BYU Pass Leads to Virginia Win

Sports | by Timothy McFoster

SPORTS — A tough loss on the road befell the BYU Cougars as they faced the Virginia Cavaliers in the season opener on Saturday 19-16. A two-hour lightning and rain delay could not dissuade BYU quarterback Taysom Hill from passing…

Utah Leaders Lament Inevitable Google Fiber-Induced Porn Torrent

Featured Posts, News | by G. Samuel Pitts

Google’s plans to bring Internet speeds hardly known to most of planet Earth to Salt Lake City have many local bishops on edge. “We’ve sent requests to the General Authorities, asking for at least a 3rd councilor. Heck, maybe even…

American Fork East 17th Ward Does Not Watch Porn

Featured Posts, News | by Timothy McFoster

A handful of problems were laid to rest as it was confirmed in-wardhouse that the American Fork East 17th Ward does not watch pornography. Not a single admission of emission from the inconspicuously non-concupiscent congregation. It’s stroke of relief to…

Orem Junior Loves to Read[words clumped together by Stephenie Meyer]

Featured Posts, News | by Timothy McFoster

Orem High School Junior Rachellyn Workman loves to read [words clumped together by Stephenie Meyer], reports hall monitor Jed Ai. “I just love the way books[words clumped together by Stephenie Meyer] can[like, um], tell the most perfect story ever. [Ibid.]…