prayer

Christopher Walken Tapped to Give Closing Benediction

Reports out of the Johnson household state that young Shad, avowed legomaniac, uttered “we thank thee for the Prophet Jaden Smith” rather than Joseph Smith during the Johnson’s diurnal 8:55pm prayer without any sort of snicker or self-acknowledged in-prayer correction…

Holy Ghost Retires After ‘Prompted’ Imbeciles Topple Goblin Valley Rock

News | by Timothy McFoster

In an early evening appearance since He goes to bed at midnight, the Holy Ghost formally announced His retirement on Friday. This came in the wake of an imbecilic claim from three Utah Boy Scout leaders that they were prompted…

Pres. Boyd K. Packer: The Prophet Ought To Live Life To The Fullest

News | by Timothy McFoster

Pres. Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles displayed a chipper tone throughout his imperative remarks at the 183rd Semiannual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He advised that the “Living Prophet…

Dead Mormons Surprised to Find Selves in Same Kingdom As Awful Mormons

Late BYU Pass Leads to Virginia Win

Sports | by Timothy McFoster

SPORTS — A tough loss on the road befell the BYU Cougars as they faced the Virginia Cavaliers in the season opener on Saturday 19-16. A two-hour lightning and rain delay could not dissuade BYU quarterback Taysom Hill from passing…