PARADISE- Many LDS faithful spend countless hours acquiring modest clothing for phallic stage children, wearing one or fewer pairs of earrings, and avoiding the appearance of evil, banking on the hope that the gates of heaven will eschew such lukewarm members as that tramp Tammy Crenshaw from down the road. “Turns out Almighty God’s just not as wrathful as I’d hoped,” lamented L. Rob Bernstein, a former living resident of Alpine, UT, when asked about that insufferable less-active Tammy. Upon hearing that Tammy was busy converting practically-damned Muslims down in Spirit Prison, Rob rolled his eyes. “I mean, I paid