OREM, UT — Family Home Evening is a cherished aspect of Latter-day Saints culture. One day a week, families turn off the TV, mute the phones, and set aside the outside world to strengthen the family bonds that will endure through this mortal life and beyond. But for the Robertson family, their time of family togetherness was invaded by a sinister influence: their cousin Darryl, and his Cards Against Humanity.
More like “Crimes Against Humanity”.
According to James Robertson, fratriarch of the Robertson clan, they had no idea what they were in for when Darryl came to FHE.
“When he said this new game was like Apples to Apples for adults, we just figured the pop culture references would go back a little farther. Maybe some M*A*S*H jokes, you know? Ferret face? It was supposed to be fun.”
But the only one having fun this Monday evening was Satan. And Darryl.
According to James, Darryl has always liked to rile up the more spiritually tight members of the family. And, surprisingly, Darryl agrees.
“Yeah, I loved it. I hate those guys, always have. Forcing them to read the white cards, it was so damn satisfying. They’re always trying to get me to play ‘Werewolf,’ or charades or whatever. Well, here’s a card that says ‘Dead Babies’ on it, what now? That’s what I wanted to get across to them.”
When asked was his point actually was, Darryl refused to comment further. He did, however, flash a white card that read “YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS” before running back to his car.
Meanwhile, James has made a list of the white cards that offended him the most (excerpted from his blog below), so that others won’t have to deal with the shock his family has gone though.
“Just be careful out there. The only thing worse than encountering these phrases in life, is doing so in a state of shock. I only hope my list of phrases can help others avoid the same fate.”
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JAMES’ LIST OF OFFENSIVE CARDS. BE SAFE.
Sharing needles.
Bitches.
MechaHitler.
Pulling out.
Flying sex snakes.
Gloryholes.
A sassy black woman.
Bees?
How is this bad? Seems like normal activities for any sane family
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Omg. If he was so innocent, he wouldn’t be shocked. He would be ashamed, for shame its had by those who feel no right to act upon something they have knowledge of, and the fact the guy knew what a “gloryhole” is in the first place proves is shock is hypocrisy. It really puts this guys “shock” into perspective. And what about black women? This guy must of had some sheltered existence dwelling his life with whites enough to feel a state off shock art the her mention of a member of a different race. But that explains his arrogant sensorship of “MechaHitler.” Weird. And really, “bitches” ain’t shit compared to some other things. This guy its trippin.