The billion-dollar backed faith had no problem exhorting its adherents to spend ten dollars a head for the movie “Meet The Mormons.” The movie is being persecuted for its faith by the aptly named Rotten Tomatoes website, whose method of distilling an aggregate percentage based on professional reviews by so-called film scholars has sent ancestry.com search-term hits for “descendants of Martin Van Buren” up nearly 6,000%.

The film, which elides boring topics like unique doctrine or Mormon history, highlights the faith’s great attempt at diversity by examining the lives of six devout members from all over the globe who are not Mitt Romney, Glenn Beck, or Gladys Knight.

Filmgoers of the faith have been apprised of a financial loophole that states—straight from church HQ—that presenting ticket stubs during tithing settlement affords the church member a tithing write-off, which piqued excitable fibers of being at nearly caffeinated levels. We’re told popcorn and Sprite are not included.