In an interesting twist to the challenge issued by the White House to 20 communities across the nation to enroll uninsured citizens in the healthcare marketplace, President Obama made a personalized promise to Salt Lake City. “Uh… look. Now, if Salt Lake City can get off its be-hind and enroll 75% of the 137,000 folks still walking around uninsured, I, Barack Obama, agree to be baptized in your golden cattle tub.”

Shocking many, Obama took his promise even further. “Shoot, I’ll even throw in a photo-op with any local leaders and organizers doing a few of those secret Mormon what’s-it shakes, and I’ll commit to a movie night to watch the video if ya’ll can bump it up to 85.”

At press time, it was still unclear if Obama even knew what the hell he was talking about.