U.S. District Court Judge Dale Kimball granted a request by the soda shop Swig to amend its lawsuit against its carbonated-defecation competitor Sodalicious in the ongoing legal battle over the use of the descriptive phrase “Sugary Septic Swill.”

The lawsuit rests on a claim that Swig’s definition of “Sugary Septic Swill” is trademarked. Sodalicious’s sodattorneys claim that “Sugary Septic Swill” is fair game and has been used in reference to the types of fecal soft drink combinations its menu offers.

Swig also alleges Sodalicious’s owners and founders purposefully infringed on Swig’s copyrights by copying their Candyland-stolen signage and logos on their stores and menu boards to help promote their Sugary Septic Swill.

Swig additionally took umbrage to Sodalicious using styrofoam cups and colored straws in order for their customers to imbibe the percolated sewer refuse. “What are our Sugary Septic Swill customers supposed to use, their cupped hands? For Coriantumr’s sake, it’s ridic,” said a Sodalicious partner who sodecided to remain nameless. 

The effluent offerings—which escape the body cleaner than upon entry and legally must be disposed of akin to pollutants—of the two soda shops’ Sugary Septic Swill supply a mildly caffeinated boost and an accelerated erosion of enamel to the teetotaling populace of Utah County. The stalemate and slow-moving court case will ensure that Utah’s Sugary Septic Swill seekers will, for the foreseeable future, be able to get their 64 oz. of gene pool dilution serum from a number of similar septic dispersal outlets across the Wasatch Front.