A mining prospector, Jules Eustace Jacobs, announced early this morning he’s hit the mother lode.

“I guess he claims there’s a ‘shitload’ of gold up in Millcreek Canyon,” said Millcreek mayor Jeff Silvestrini, using air quotes. “I’m not really sure. I’ve got other things to do.”

The aged miner says his conclusion is based on his findings from panning Mill Creek, as well as a “strong gut feeling.”

“As God as my witness, I tell you that canyon is teeming with gold. Teeming!” Jacobs said, jumping up and down in excitement. “I feel it in my bones!” 

He added that his friends can verify that he’s always been “one lucky son of a gun.”

The mining prospector also said that with the tidy sum he expects to get from mining the canyon, he “aims” to buy his own land and finally persuade a woman named Mary-Lou to marry him.

When informed that mining for gold up Millcreek Canyon would be breaking the law, Jacobs was undeterred.

“They can try taking the pickaxe out of my hands, but I reckon they better think twice before doing something damn foolhardy like that!” the old man said, fiery-eyed and spitting tobacco into his sluice. 

At press time, Jacobs was bedding down for the night at the mouth of the canyon in his red one piece union suit pajamas.