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G. Samuel Pitts

"Granddad always said 'don't be a bitch,' and that it was up to me to interpret just what that meant. I think life is pretty much like that—don't be a bitch—which can mean literally anything, or just one thing."

Dead Mormons Surprised to Find Selves in Same Kingdom As Awful Mormons

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

PARADISE- Many LDS faithful spend countless hours acquiring modest clothing for phallic stage children, wearing one or fewer pairs of earrings, and avoiding the appearance of evil, banking on the hope that the gates of heaven will eschew such lukewarm…

Utah Leaders Lament Inevitable Google Fiber-Induced Porn Torrent

Featured Posts, News | by G. Samuel Pitts

Google’s plans to bring Internet speeds hardly known to most of planet Earth to Salt Lake City have many local bishops on edge. “We’ve sent requests to the General Authorities, asking for at least a 3rd councilor. Heck, maybe even…

Many Utahns Worried We Might Not Get Mired Enough in Syria

Featured Posts, News, Politics | by G. Samuel Pitts

SALT LAKE CITY- With the Iraq war having ended ages ago, and the war in Afghanistan really winding down, many local Republicans are worried that soon there might not even be one war going on. “We barely have a very…