Author Archives

Timothy McFoster

Don't show off yer ear till you have one. "If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers" – Thomas Pynchon

http://www.bookbreaths.com

Holiday Bowled Over: LaVell Edwards Succumbs to 2016

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Dang it, dang it all right to heck. BYU luminary LaVell Edwards died as a bookend to the celebrities mowed down by Death’s 2016 scythe. LaVell, whose singing about BYU football could reduce so-called not-a-rapper Jamesthemormon to envious tears, created an…

Pussy Grabbernacle Choir Begins Telestial Outreach Tour

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

In news startling the Bloggernacle on Joseph Smith’s Birthday Eve, the Pussy Grabbernacle Choir, née Mormon Tabernacle Choir, announced its Telestial Outreach Tour. They’ll be supported by opening acts Ted Nugent and Kid Rock. The first tour stop will be at…

Those Piece of Mother Won The VidAngel Lawsuit, It

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

The safe-space Hollywood elites won their mother copyright infringement claim after the sons of took VidAngel to court. The -gobbling legal teams from Disney, 20th Century Fox, and Warner Bros. can my throbbing since the ruling enjoins VidAngel from its…

Primary Kids Aghast After Gary Johnson’s “What Is A LEGO?” Gaffe

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Snotty-nosed Primary-going rapscallions were left aghast after hearing Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson ask “What is a LEGO?” on a recent interview on MSNBC. “It wasn’t even a gotcha question, geeze,” said Brian Schmidt, a uniform-clad proud Webelos Scout. “What…

Bored Mormon Teen Demands Melchizedexit Referendum

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

What started as a simple tweet from Beck Smoot–whose profile suggests he’s a “fan of CoD, BMX, Twizzlers. Oh, and AJ Styles is greater than Harry Styles duh.”–has swept through various Snapchat Stories in teen Mormon circles. Beck’s simple question…

Swig and Sodalicious Lock Horns Over Rights to ‘Sugary Septic Swill’

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

U.S. District Court Judge Dale Kimball granted a request by the soda shop Swig to amend its lawsuit against its carbonated-defecation competitor Sodalicious in the ongoing legal battle over the use of the descriptive phrase “Sugary Septic Swill.” The lawsuit…

LDS Leaders Praise ‘Trash’ Video as “Sure Sign of Tyler Glenn Nailing It”

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Noting that the Neon Trees—Provo’s Mormon-rich musical sensation—”[hadn’t] really done all that much [for us]” since 2014, LDS leaders were thrilled with the solo release “Trash” from gay-but-definitely-celibate frontman Tyler Glenn. “Finally—our leading gay rockstar who couldn’t be a happier and…

Mormons Buy Jamesthemormon’s Gospel Rap Album Instead Of Porn For A Day

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

LDS faithful across the nation, apparently and surprisingly willing to listen to something that isn’t Lemonade, paused their chosen pornography subscriptions for one day and flocked to iTunes to buy the new EP “I’m Not A Rapper” by Jamesthemormon. Whether…