Author Archives

Timothy McFoster

Don't show off yer ear till you have one. "If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers" – Thomas Pynchon

http://www.bookbreaths.com

American Fork East 17th Ward Offers Hand to ‘Opt-In’ Porn Petition

Politics | by Timothy McFoster

American Fork’s East 17th Ward’s excitement erupted on Monday afternoon, as word of an online petition spread like wildfire or scattered seed all over the Face book feeds of the congregation’s members. “I knew I had to take a firm…

Orson Scott Card Builds New Home in Draper, Contains No Closets

News, Politics | by Timothy McFoster

Mormonoclast writer Orson Scott Card built a new home in the foothills of Draper with explicit instructions to his builders to ensure there were no closets whatsoever in the house, no sir, not one. “I mean, why would I want…

Silly Goofball Thanks Jaden Rather Than Joseph Smith In Prayer

News | by Timothy McFoster

Reports out of the Johnson household state that young Shad, avowed legomaniac, uttered “we thank thee for the Prophet Jaden Smith” rather than Joseph Smith during the Johnson’s diurnal 8:55pm prayer without any sort of snicker or self-acknowledged in-prayer correction…

Holy Ghost Retires After ‘Prompted’ Imbeciles Topple Goblin Valley Rock

News | by Timothy McFoster

In an early evening appearance since He goes to bed at midnight, the Holy Ghost formally announced His retirement on Friday. This came in the wake of an imbecilic claim from three Utah Boy Scout leaders that they were prompted…

[Audio] Woman Escorted Out During Shutdown Vote in House Chamber Actually Most Cogent Person There

News, Politics | by Timothy McFoster

[Audio] Woman Escorted Out During Shutdown Vote in House Chamber Actually Most Cogent Person There https://t.co/KAh62hfgeQ #shutdown — Beehive Bugle (@Beehive_Bugle) October 17, 2013 [Audio] Woman Escorted Out During Shutdown Vote in House Chamber Actually Most Cogent Person…

Sen. Mike Lee: My Mother’s Demands Are Unconstitutional; I Will Defund MamaCare

News, Politics | by Timothy McFoster

Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) came out strongly against his mother’s demands, citing them as unconstitutional and said he had no choice but to defund MamaCare. “She’s a real stick in the spokes sometimes, leaving stickers in my lunch and such.…

Pres. Boyd K. Packer: The Prophet Ought To Live Life To The Fullest

News | by Timothy McFoster

Pres. Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles displayed a chipper tone throughout his imperative remarks at the 183rd Semiannual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He advised that the “Living Prophet…