Featured Posts

Roommate’s Turn to Buy Toilet Paper; ‘Like Hell It Is,’ Says Other Roommate

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Before the two moved in together, Gerald Webb and Eric White had a friendship onlookers described as charming. But lately, it is Charmin that has been a wedge in their relationship. Allegedly, White has not…

City Creek Center to Open Disco-themed Dance Club Called Quorum of the ‘70s

New West Valley Police Chief: We Will Try to Stop Shooting Unarmed Innocents

Featured Posts, News, Politics | by Monston Chalmers

WEST VALLEY CITY, UT — Newly appointed Police Chief Lee Russo gave his first press conference last night and made it clear that a new day is dawning for the beleaguered West Valley City Police Department. “I have a vision…

Twelve Years Later, Americans Still Remember How 9/11 Tragically Delayed Movie Releases

Featured Posts, News | by Tommy Cox

There is no doubt that the events of 9/11 are forever etched in our country’s memory: it led not only to a tragic loss of life, but also lasting changes on our culture, foreign policy, and the way we view…

BREAKING: People Who Listen to Depeche Mode Are Also Listening to Blur

Featured Posts, News | by Tommy Cox

In a dazzling display of computerized personalization catering to user experience, it has been revealed that people listening to Depeche Mode are also listening to Blur. “We’re dumbfounded – this is not something our team would have predicted,” said a…

Vodka Samm Hopes to Achieve .342 BAC at BYU-Utah Game

Featured Posts, News, Sports | by Tommy Cox

According to sources, Samantha Goudie aka Vodka Samm will be coming to Provo later this month. After getting arrested at the recent Iowa-Northern Illinois football game for charging the field severely intoxicated (BAC level .341), she realized the rivalry game…

Obama to Nation: “I’ll handle this Syria bullshit”

Featured Posts, News | by Tommy Cox

Referring to the Syria situation in expletives, a particularly salty-tongued and adamant Obama told reporters to let him do the worrying over a possible US strike against the Assad regime. “I might order the strike. I also might take…

Utah Leaders Lament Inevitable Google Fiber-Induced Porn Torrent

Featured Posts, News | by G. Samuel Pitts

Google’s plans to bring Internet speeds hardly known to most of planet Earth to Salt Lake City have many local bishops on edge. “We’ve sent requests to the General Authorities, asking for at least a 3rd councilor. Heck, maybe even…