News

Members of Ordain Women Admitted Into Priesthood Meeting for First Time, Immediately Regret it

Featured Posts, News | by Snorri Sturluson

For the first time in the 184 year history of the LDS Church, women were allowed to attend the traditionally male-only priesthood session — and right away just wanted to go home. “It’s a huge victory for feminism and for…

Holland-Oaks Dazzle Conference Center Crowd With Cover of ‘Maneater’

Mormon Church Gives Approval for Medical Masturbation

Featured Posts, News | by Ripley Wainwright

In an unprecedented move, LDS Church leaders announced during the Saturday morning session of General Conference that they had given their approval to masturbation that serves a legitimate medical need. The policy sea change comes after years of pressure from…

Microsoft Shows Early Signs of Debilitating Numeric Disorder With Unveiling of Windows 10

Guy Sticks it to UTA, Stands in Trax Well

Investigation Reveals Shurtleff and Swallow Ran Shoulder Porn Ring

News | by Monston Chalmers

In a press conference yesterday afternoon officials investigating the activities of Mark Shurtleff and John Swallow revealed that the former Attorneys General for Utah were collecting and disseminating pictures of high school girls with bare shoulders. “Our initial investigation focused…

Stop Pretending I Don’t Exist You Ungrateful Assholes!

Featured Posts, News | by The Great Salt Lake

Hey you bastards I see you! Just driving past me as if I’m not here, as if I don’t exist. Well, here I am asshats, and I want you to acknowledge me. Did people just suddenly forget that Utah named…

Insecure Spotify User Goes Into Private Session Before Listening to Matchbox Twenty Song

Featured Posts, News | by Ripley Wainwright

Bradley Taylor, a reportedly insecure little bitch, recently switched to “private session” in Spotify before listening to “Push,” the 1996 Matchbox Twenty hit. Taylor, known for projecting all of his self-conscious and judgmental attitudes about music onto his Spotify…