News

Obama to Nation: “I’ll handle this Syria bullshit”

Google’s plans to bring Internet speeds hardly known to most of planet Earth to Salt Lake City have many local bishops on edge. “We’ve sent requests to the General Authorities, asking for at least a 3rd councilor. Heck, maybe even…

West Jordan Man Shoots Down Abortion While Portions of Eggs Chute Down His Throat

News | by Timothy McFoster

WEST JORDAN — Banker Ron Gassoul ordered eggs Friday morning at West Jordan’s Black Bear Diner and immediately ordered up his abortion opinion. “Look, the lazy baby-killer liberals love to talk about abortions like it’s a Tupperware party. Well I’m…

Many Utahns Worried We Might Not Get Mired Enough in Syria

Featured Posts, News, Politics | by G. Samuel Pitts

SALT LAKE CITY- With the Iraq war having ended ages ago, and the war in Afghanistan really winding down, many local Republicans are worried that soon there might not even be one war going on. “We barely have a very…

Closeted Man Hot and Bothered About Upcoming Provo Pride Festival

Miley Cyrus Totally Not Acting Like a Mormon, Say Mormons

Featured Posts, News | by Timothy McFoster

Miley Cyrus—not yet a Mormon since she has not passed on—has once again been caught not acting like a Mormon, said various Mormon sources. Flabbergasted and willing to opine, legions of Latter-day Saints bemoaned the “yucky” change that the former…

American Fork East 17th Ward Does Not Watch Porn

Featured Posts, News | by Timothy McFoster

A handful of problems were laid to rest as it was confirmed in-wardhouse that the American Fork East 17th Ward does not watch pornography. Not a single admission of emission from the inconspicuously non-concupiscent congregation. It’s stroke of relief to…