03:15 pm

27 April 2024

Christmas

Santa Stockpiling 100 Billion in Gifts, Whistleblower Elf Alleges

Santa Stockpiling 100 Billion in Gifts, Whistleblower Elf Alleges

Featured Posts | by Russ Stewart

Take your eyes off the skies: It’s not just Santa Claus’s magical sleigh rocketing upwards, but the financial returns of a secret North Pole slush fund, according to the whistleblower complaint filed today with the International Monetary Fund. According to…

Local Cat Disgusted by Holiday Consumerism

Local Cat Disgusted by Holiday Consumerism

Featured Posts | by JerLin Day

After a long year of listening to humans discuss minimalism and whether their objects bring them “joy,” a Salt Lake City cat says he’s appalled by the absolute chaos that reigned at his home on Christmas day. Steve, who would…

In His Words: SUPERDELL On The War On Christmas

In His Words: SUPERDELL On The War On Christmas

Featured Posts | by SUPERDELL Schanze

To all those who don’t think they are Christian, just think for a second about what year it is. Why does the entire world track time by the sign given at the birth of Christ? If it didn’t happen, then…

Area Child Devastated To Find Out Santa Not Real, Like God

Area Child Devastated To Find Out Santa Not Real, Like God

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

After losing faith in God nearly a year ago, it was only a matter of time before eight-year-old Timmy Conklin figured out the truth about Santa. “I think I’ve been walking around willfully blind for a while now,” the devastated…

FrontRunner Commuters View Temple-Square-Christmas-Lights-Bound Hordes

FrontRunner Commuters View Temple-Square-Christmas-Lights-Bound Hordes

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

SEASONS GREETINGS: With eyes fixed on a festive weekend, homebound commuters all along the Wasatch Front rushed to UTA’s FrontRunner stations in order to view the scintillating ornamentation of raucous hordes of Temple Square-bound travelers who were set to see…

Santa Once Again Brings Neighborhood’s Rich Prick More Gifts Than Good Kid

Santa Once Again Brings Neighborhood’s Rich Prick More Gifts Than Good Kid

News | by Tommy Cox

West Jordan — It’s been confirmed by various sources that Santa Claus, international purveyor of joy, has once again shortchanged Arthur Jarvis, despite another year of being a good kid, while also once again lavishing his rich, dickwad neighbor, Austin…