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11 May 2025

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Citing Too Many Fake Swords, Saratoga Springs Mayor Quietly Cancels Annual Medieval Festival

Citing Too Many Fake Swords, Saratoga Springs Mayor Quietly Cancels Annual Medieval Festival

Featured Posts | by Snorri Sturluson

Due to an overabundance of fake swords, cimeters, and other archaic weaponry that might give the city’s Finest a scare, mayor Jim Miller of Saratoga Springs has cancelled this year’s annual Medieval Festival. “My gosh, I mean you have fake…

HIGH, ON THE MOUNTAIN TOP: Utah Jazz Cigarette

HIGH, ON THE MOUNTAIN TOP: Utah Jazz Cigarette

Featured Posts, Sports | by W.W. Felch

If you U-Tards are anything like me you are super stoked for the upcoming basketball season. I have been backing the Utah Jazz ever since I wore my Mark Eaton jersey to my baptism after-party. Granny Jean had given it to me…

Elder Packer to address LDS General Conference in his native Klingon

Elder Packer to address LDS General Conference in his native Klingon

Featured Posts | by Monston Chalmers

What started as a thinly veiled public relations stunt to make the Mormon church appear more welcoming has taken a turn for the intergalactic, and has given many LDS Star Trek fans some hope to cling on to. As was…

Fully Inserted: Soaking Epidemic Hits BYU Campus

Fully Inserted: Soaking Epidemic Hits BYU Campus

Featured Posts | by Tommy Cox and Ruth R. McConkie

While Kevin J. Worthen, Brigham Young University’s 13th president, loves this time of year, dark times have eclipsed the enjoyment that usually accompanies the start of a new semester. “We’re getting report after report of ‘soaking’ incidents, also known as ‘docking’…

Too Many Food Safety Regulations, Says Recently Poisoned Woman Served an Entire Glass of Clorox

Too Many Food Safety Regulations, Says Recently Poisoned Woman Served an Entire Glass of Clorox

Featured Posts | by Snorri Sturluson

Continuing in a string of incidents of lax adherence to food safety regulation, Draper resident Ashleighlynn Allred was mistakenly served an entire glass of Clorox instead of Sprite at local restaurant “Thad’s Guns, Ammo and BBQ.” Instead of playing the…

Self-Congratulatory Bourgeois Refusal to Donate to ALS Association Leads to Ice, Water Shortage in USA

Self-Congratulatory Bourgeois Refusal to Donate to ALS Association Leads to Ice, Water Shortage in USA

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Hordes of cheapskate cowards–many of them rich and/or powerful–have caused a nationwide shortage of ice and water in order to go to any length to avoid giving charity money to the ALS Association. Tycoons, magnates, and regular dumb Americans have…

Thomas S. Monson Hopes to Find New Helpmeet, Joins OKCupid

Thomas S. Monson Hopes to Find New Helpmeet, Joins OKCupid

Featured Posts | by Detlef Goethe Zern

Thomas Spencer Monson, the prophet, seer, and revelator for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, is once again dusting off his lapels and going on the prowl. “It is true, Mr. Monson is seeking another eternal companion, given…

HIGH ON THE MOUNTAIN TOP: Keeping the Dabbath Day Holy

HIGH ON THE MOUNTAIN TOP: Keeping the Dabbath Day Holy

Featured Posts | by W.W. Felch

Howdy fellow MormEnts, it’s your smokin’ buddy Double Dubs with another crop report. Perhaps crop report is the wrong phrase here, as today I will be spelunking the depths of the dab. I know many of you have not yet…

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