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06 November 2024

gay

LDS Church Clarifies Stance On Same-Sex Childhood Apostasy

LDS Church Clarifies Stance On Same-Sex Childhood Apostasy

Featured Posts | by Russ Stewart

SALT LAKE CITY – Mormon leaders spoke out this morning in an effort to explain controversial new policies, revealed last night through social media. “Families are the essence of the church,” says LDS spokesperson Emily Bennett. “They stand at the…

Morally Bankrupt LDS Church Acts On Anti Same-Sex Thoughts

Morally Bankrupt LDS Church Acts On Anti Same-Sex Thoughts

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

In an unequivocal moral slippage, the LDS Church acted out on its anti-same-sex thoughts and announced a policy with regard to membership denial to children living in a same-sex home. Despite humming an Elder Uchtdorf talk to themselves, the urge…

Utah Gov. Gary Herbert Completely Flips Shit After Gay Marriage Ruling

Utah Gov. Gary Herbert Completely Flips Shit After Gay Marriage Ruling

Featured Posts | by Snorri Sturluson

Amid much gnashing of teeth, Utah Gov. Gary R. Herbert addressed members of the press corps to discuss his reaction to the Supreme Court’s historic 5-4 decision which legalized same-sex marriages across America. “I’m no bigot. You know me—I love…

‘I’ For An ‘I’: LDS Church Affirms Stance That They Put The ‘I’ In Victim

‘I’ For An ‘I’: LDS Church Affirms Stance That They Put The ‘I’ In Victim

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints affirmed their stance that they “Put the ‘I’ in victim,” and then doubled down and said they, “Put the [wh]Y in apology” in a both a press conference and a session of the Salt…

Gay, Married BYU Administrator Adamantly Opposed to Beards

Gay, Married BYU Administrator Adamantly Opposed to Beards

Featured Posts, News | by Ripley Wainwright

Lawrence Benson, a gay BYU administrator who has used his wife to provide cover for his homosexuality since the early 1970s, declared his adamant opposition to beards on Wednesday. “Beards do not belong here at BYU. They are a way…

Local Gay Mormon Reportedly “Ecstatic” About Conference Celibacy Encouragement

Local Gay Mormon Reportedly “Ecstatic” About Conference Celibacy Encouragement

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

Brother Kyler Brenn, a local gay Mormon homosexual, reportedly “can’t wait” for tonight’s Priesthood session, sources said. “I’m seriously ecstatic,” said the high school senior. “It’s always so fulfilling and empowering, to hear about how I don’t need to give…

Neon Trees’ Music Comes Out As Gay

Neon Trees’ Music Comes Out As Gay

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Neon Trees, the catchy Provo, Utah-based sunny-bubblegum-neuesynth-Provonic-snowwave-frothgrind-acidwash-#tbt-nü-80s-Mormcore-aggrosynth-nonméringue-ghettosurf-pleatherboas-sadcore-techstep-etherealwave-laptronica-provopush-ziphop-maltrock quartet, revealed that their music is gay in the new issue of Rolling Stone (on stands Friday, March 28th). “I’ve always felt like our band is an open book, and yet obviously we…

Chick-Fil-A Changes Name to Chick-Phil-A to Honor Duck Dynasty Media Martyr

Chick-Fil-A Changes Name to Chick-Phil-A to Honor Duck Dynasty Media Martyr

Politics | by Timothy McFoster

Chicken sandwich empire Chick-Fil-A has announced a major name change to Chick-Phil-A, to honor the now unemployed Duck Dynasty millionaire Phil Robertson, who made comments equating logic with penis placement. “It’s a homonym, but not a homo-nym,” said Chick-Phil-A chief…

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