03:41 am

28 April 2024

Government

Pussy Grabbernacle Choir Begins Telestial Outreach Tour

Pussy Grabbernacle Choir Begins Telestial Outreach Tour

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

In news startling the Bloggernacle on Joseph Smith’s Birthday Eve, the Pussy Grabbernacle Choir, née Mormon Tabernacle Choir, announced its Telestial Outreach Tour. They’ll be supported by opening acts Ted Nugent and Kid Rock. The first tour stop will be at…

Gov. Herbert Signs Bill Forcing Doctors To Ask A Fetus If They Prefer Breastfed Milk Or Formula

Gov. Herbert Signs Bill Forcing Doctors To Ask A Fetus If They Prefer Breastfed Milk Or Formula

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Gov. Gary Herbert just signed a law that will require doctors to ignore best medical practice and ask a fetus whether they prefer breastfed milk or formula. This appears to be the second step—after mandating that women be given unnecessary…

Mormon Extremists Declare Deseret Caliphate In Oregon

Mormon Extremists Declare Deseret Caliphate In Oregon

Featured Posts | by Snorri Sturluson

Utah natives and Mormon extremists Ammon and Ryan Bundy seized control of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge visitor’s center on Saturday and wasted no time declaring the building as headquarters of a new Deseret Caliphate. “We’re here to stay,” said…

Three-Year-Old Christian Gives Zero Shits About Syrian Refugees

Three-Year-Old Christian Gives Zero Shits About Syrian Refugees

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

RIVERTON, UT—Citing disappointment in their three-year-old’s attitude of utter indifference to the plight of Syrian refugees, the parents of Todd Finster have lost all faith in the child. “I never dreamed that a three-year-old could be so irrational,” said Brent…

Pres. Obama Visits Utah To Build Huge White House Across The Street From Mitt Romney

Pres. Obama Visits Utah To Build Huge White House Across The Street From Mitt Romney

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Pres. Obama made Utah his penultimate visit of the 50 states while serving as president, and the reason is leaving 73% of the state’s residents furious. Obama announced he’s decided to build a huge white house directly across the street…

Arizona Gov. Seeks to Change State Fish to ‘Something Less Symbolically Tolerant’

Arizona Gov. Seeks to Change State Fish to ‘Something Less Symbolically Tolerant’

Featured Posts, Politics | by Burt Thurman

PHOENIX, AZ – Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer is calling on taxpayers to foot a 1.5 million dollar bill, which would change the state fish from the Apache trout to “something less symbolically tolerant of brown people.” This morning, the Governor’s…

Tooele Residents Demand to Change ‘Black Friday’ to ‘White Friday’

Tooele Residents Demand to Change ‘Black Friday’ to ‘White Friday’

Opinion, Politics | by Timothy McFoster

A contingent of vocal Tooele residents expressed a firm desire to change the name of the shopping orgy known as the popularly-designated ‘Black Friday’ to a name they claim is “safer” to them: ‘White Friday.’ “I mean, why do they…

American Fork East 17th Ward Offers Hand to ‘Opt-In’ Porn Petition

American Fork East 17th Ward Offers Hand to ‘Opt-In’ Porn Petition

Politics | by Timothy McFoster

American Fork’s East 17th Ward’s excitement erupted on Monday afternoon, as word of an online petition spread like wildfire or scattered seed all over the Face book feeds of the congregation’s members. “I knew I had to take a firm…

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