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21 November 2024

ldsconf

Sorry Everyone, I Meant Morons. Don’t Call Us Morons

Sorry Everyone, I Meant Morons. Don’t Call Us Morons

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

By Pres. Russell M. Nelson My bad, my beloved brothers and sisters. I know I said not to call us Mormons, but what I meant was not to call us morons. Slip of the tongue. It’d be moronic to jettison…

Primary Children Celebrate ‘Two Hours With Blocks’ Change To Church

Primary Children Celebrate ‘Two Hours With Blocks’ Change To Church

Featured Posts | by Detlef Goethe Zern

Ecstatic primary children have splattered yogurt and spilled cheerios by applause as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced steps toward a “home-centered model” to reach members where they are; Sunday attendance has now been restructured to be…

Holland and Uchtdorf Satiate in First Session, No More Talks Needed

Holland and Uchtdorf Satiate in First Session, No More Talks Needed

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Thousands of relieved General Conference viewers are calling the weekend “as good as done” after Elders Holland and Uchtdorf finished their respective talks in the first session of the 187th Semiannual General Conference. “That stud Elder Holland quoted Tolstoy, which…

LDS Faithful Relieved That Prophets, Seers, Revelators Didn’t Actually Prophesy Anything

LDS Faithful Relieved That Prophets, Seers, Revelators Didn’t Actually Prophesy Anything

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

With the world so clearly and obviously on a horrendously evil trajectory of destruction, many faithful LDS church members expressed they felt some anxiety heading into this year’s General Conference. “I just wonder if this is finally going to be…

Christopher Walken Tapped to Give Closing Benediction

Christopher Walken Tapped to Give Closing Benediction

Featured Posts | by Tommy Cox

Continuing a pattern of unpredictability, the LDS Church has reached out to Hollywood in an attempt to bring a star-studded cast to the podium. For the 185th Semiannual General Conference, they have secured Christopher Walken to give the closing benediction.…

White Men Finally Receive Representation in Mormon Church

White Men Finally Receive Representation in Mormon Church

Featured Posts | by Bo Lamplighter

In a daring move, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced today a radical organizational shift that will ensure successful white, male members over the age of 40 finally gain proper representation. The organization, long known for its…

Study: Majority of Mormons Would Not Approve of a Muslim Apostle

Study: Majority of Mormons Would Not Approve of a Muslim Apostle

Featured Posts | by Tommy Cox

OGDEN — In a recent study conducted by social scientists at Weber State University, researchers found that most Mormons would be ‘highly uncomfortable’ with a Muslim apostle. “It was pretty clear cut across the board,” said Ken Barson, a sociology…

Thousands Of Cosplaying Pioneer Trekkies Descend On Salt Lake For #GenCon2015

Thousands Of Cosplaying Pioneer Trekkies Descend On Salt Lake For #GenCon2015

Featured Posts | by Monston Chalmers

Just outside of Park City, Utah, a wagon train made up of hundreds of young pioneer reenactors, livestock, and various conveyances plod along the side of Interstate-15. Towards the front of the party, Jake Jensen—a sunburned 16-year-old from Pleasant Grove—sets…

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