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29 March 2025

Obama

Obama To SLC: “Sign Up For Insurance, I’ll Be Baptized In Your Golden Cattle Tub”

Obama To SLC: “Sign Up For Insurance, I’ll Be Baptized In Your Golden Cattle Tub”

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

In an interesting twist to the challenge issued by the White House to 20 communities across the nation to enroll uninsured citizens in the healthcare marketplace, President Obama made a personalized promise to Salt Lake City. “Uh… look. Now, if…

Pres. Obama Visits Utah To Build Huge White House Across The Street From Mitt Romney

Pres. Obama Visits Utah To Build Huge White House Across The Street From Mitt Romney

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Pres. Obama made Utah his penultimate visit of the 50 states while serving as president, and the reason is leaving 73% of the state’s residents furious. Obama announced he’s decided to build a huge white house directly across the street…

Too Many Food Safety Regulations, Says Recently Poisoned Woman Served an Entire Glass of Clorox

Too Many Food Safety Regulations, Says Recently Poisoned Woman Served an Entire Glass of Clorox

Featured Posts | by Snorri Sturluson

Continuing in a string of incidents of lax adherence to food safety regulation, Draper resident Ashleighlynn Allred was mistakenly served an entire glass of Clorox instead of Sprite at local restaurant “Thad’s Guns, Ammo and BBQ.” Instead of playing the…

Self-Congratulatory Bourgeois Refusal to Donate to ALS Association Leads to Ice, Water Shortage in USA

Self-Congratulatory Bourgeois Refusal to Donate to ALS Association Leads to Ice, Water Shortage in USA

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Hordes of cheapskate cowards–many of them rich and/or powerful–have caused a nationwide shortage of ice and water in order to go to any length to avoid giving charity money to the ALS Association. Tycoons, magnates, and regular dumb Americans have…

LDS Church Reportedly “Making It Rain” With Excommunications

LDS Church Reportedly “Making It Rain” With Excommunications

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

Amidst reports that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sent notices of disciplinary council to local apostate favorites John Dehlin and Kate Kelly, the organization announced Thursday morning that “there are a whole lot more where that came…

Sandy Woman’s Fears Confirmed as Michelle Obama Spotted Leading Ordain Women Protest at Conference Center

Sandy Woman’s Fears Confirmed as Michelle Obama Spotted Leading Ordain Women Protest at Conference Center

Politics | by Bo Lamplighter

In a surprise show of support, witnesses report Michelle Obama was among Ordain Women agitators rabble-rousing at the Conference Center Saturday evening. The protest, spurned by a fringe element of radical leftists moonlighting as committed mothers, has sent shockwaves through…

Tooele Residents Demand to Change ‘Black Friday’ to ‘White Friday’

Tooele Residents Demand to Change ‘Black Friday’ to ‘White Friday’

Opinion, Politics | by Timothy McFoster

A contingent of vocal Tooele residents expressed a firm desire to change the name of the shopping orgy known as the popularly-designated ‘Black Friday’ to a name they claim is “safer” to them: ‘White Friday.’ “I mean, why do they…

Orson Scott Card Builds New Home in Draper, Contains No Closets

Orson Scott Card Builds New Home in Draper, Contains No Closets

News, Politics | by Timothy McFoster

Mormonoclast writer Orson Scott Card built a new home in the foothills of Draper with explicit instructions to his builders to ensure there were no closets whatsoever in the house, no sir, not one. “I mean, why would I want…

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