Sports

Holiday Bowled Over: LaVell Edwards Succumbs to 2016

Dang it, dang it all right to heck. BYU luminary LaVell Edwards died as a bookend to the celebrities mowed down by Death’s 2016 scythe. LaVell, whose singing about BYU football could reduce so-called not-a-rapper Jamesthemormon to envious tears, created an…

Jimmer’s Return To NBA Offers BYU Fans One More Chance For Dashed Hopes

Featured Posts, Sports | by Timothy McFoster

Former BYU star Jimmer Fredette signed a 10-day contract with New York Knicks, enabling BYU fans one more brief chance for dashed hopes. “I still have a Randy Reid sweat band framed,” said Chandler Fielding, an importing specialist and longtime…

Pres. Monson Agrees To Quorum Sponsorship With Pac 12 Conference

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

University of Utah graduate and current president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Thomas S. Monson, led the charge toward an unprecedented partnership between the LDS Church and the Pac 12 conference, of which the Utes are…

MIRACLE! Savior Gulls Intervene in BYU-Michigan Game

Nice Try, Atheists, BYU Won With A Hail Mary! Good Job, Jesus!

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Brow-beaten God-denialists are flustered after a glimmer of Heaven shone down in Lincoln, Nebraska as the Lord’s Team won after Tanner Mangum’s last-second, game-winning Hail Mary pass fell into Mitch Mathews’ hands via divine intervention. BYU won 33-28—despite the groveling…

“Actually, Some of Our Best Players Are Colored,” Respond Orem Owlz

Featured Posts, Sports | by Detlef Goethe Zern

The Orem Owlz, Utah Valley’s minor league baseball team, has ran a’fowl’ of sensibility after its ‘Caucasian Heritage Night’ promotional event left folks across the nation ‘hootin’ and hollerin’. The Owlz ate crow after its excessively recessive event was canceled,…

Mitt Romney Once Again Satiates His Lose-To-Black-Man Kink

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Well gee-willickers, it appears that Mitt Romney, grandfather of two dozen, has, my gosh, decided to publicly satiate his unbridled longing to lose to a black man once again. Romney, who has repeatedly tried to introduce Ann to The Mailman…

Lakers Legend Karl Malone Threatens to Fight Already-Injured Former Teammate Kobe Bryant

Featured Posts, Sports | by Timothy McFoster

Lakers Legend Karl Malone challenged Lakers guard Kobe Bryant—who is already injured—to a fight. The tension is a decade old by now; late in 2004, Kobe accused his teammate Karl of making a pass at his wife during a game. Kobe—who…