The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Holland and Uchtdorf Satiate in First Session, No More Talks Needed

Thousands of relieved General Conference viewers are calling the weekend “as good as done” after Elders Holland and Uchtdorf finished their respective talks in the first session of the 187th Semiannual General Conference. “That stud Elder Holland quoted Tolstoy, which…

Pussy Grabbernacle Choir Begins Telestial Outreach Tour

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

In news startling the Bloggernacle on Joseph Smith’s Birthday Eve, the Pussy Grabbernacle Choir, née Mormon Tabernacle Choir, announced its Telestial Outreach Tour. They’ll be supported by opening acts Ted Nugent and Kid Rock. The first tour stop will be at…

Genealogists Conclude Woman Not Related To Anyone Famous Or Interesting

LDS Church Clarifies Stance On Same-Sex Childhood Apostasy

Morally Bankrupt LDS Church Acts On Anti Same-Sex Thoughts

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

In an unequivocal moral slippage, the LDS Church acted out on its anti-same-sex thoughts and announced a policy with regard to membership denial to children living in a same-sex home. Despite humming an Elder Uchtdorf talk to themselves, the urge…

Illiterate Anti-Choice Conservatives Accidentally Protest To “Defend Planned Parenthood”

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

A baker’s dozen of illiterate conservatives were surprised to be greeted with thank-yous at the east-central Salt Lake Planned Parenthood location due to an across-the-board vowel mix-up during their ill-fated protest. The signs, meant as an imperative toward policymakers, read…

‘I’ For An ‘I’: LDS Church Affirms Stance That They Put The ‘I’ In Victim

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints affirmed their stance that they “Put the ‘I’ in victim,” and then doubled down and said they, “Put the [wh]Y in apology” in a both a press conference and a session of the Salt…