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LDS Church Endorses Ted Cruz, Citing “Historic Dildo Policy”

Chicken sandwich empire Chick-Fil-A has announced a major name change to Chick-Phil-A, to honor the now unemployed Duck Dynasty millionaire Phil Robertson, who made comments equating logic with penis placement. “It’s a homonym, but not a homo-nym,” said Chick-Phil-A chief…

American Fork East 17th Ward Offers Hand to ‘Opt-In’ Porn Petition

Politics | by Timothy McFoster

American Fork’s East 17th Ward’s excitement erupted on Monday afternoon, as word of an online petition spread like wildfire or scattered seed all over the Face book feeds of the congregation’s members. “I knew I had to take a firm…

City Creek Center to Open Disco-themed Dance Club Called Quorum of the ‘70s

Utah Leaders Lament Inevitable Google Fiber-Induced Porn Torrent

Featured Posts, News | by G. Samuel Pitts

Google’s plans to bring Internet speeds hardly known to most of planet Earth to Salt Lake City have many local bishops on edge. “We’ve sent requests to the General Authorities, asking for at least a 3rd councilor. Heck, maybe even…

American Fork East 17th Ward Does Not Watch Porn

Featured Posts, News | by Timothy McFoster

A handful of problems were laid to rest as it was confirmed in-wardhouse that the American Fork East 17th Ward does not watch pornography. Not a single admission of emission from the inconspicuously non-concupiscent congregation. It’s stroke of relief to…