08:43 pm
17 January 2018

Obama to Nation: “I’ll handle this Syria bullshit”

Obama to Nation: “I’ll handle this Syria bullshit”



This POTUS ain’t no peace-loving lotus.

Referring to the Syria situation in expletives, a particularly salty-tongued and adamant Obama told reporters to let him do the worrying over a possible US strike against the Assad regime.

“I might order the strike. I also might take a shit,” Obama said, shrugging nonchalantly. “Look, there’s no need to concern yourself with it; I’ll squash this noise.”

As questions kept coming, President Obama lit up a cigarette. “Relax,” Obama said. “I’ve got this. Don’t worry your pretty little heads about it. What do you care anyway? Most of you probably didn’t even know about Syria until now.”

While some lauded his cool aplomb, others worry it is a facade in order to avoid dealing with pressing questions. For example, some believe a missile strike could worsen the situation in Syria, while others think the President should seek congressional approval beforehand.

“Who is saying we shouldn’t strike? Oh, that’s right – people who aren’t President,” Obama said, dismissing the critics. “Let me be clear – Assad is an asshole. Now if you’ll excuse me, I got to show a dictator who’s boss,” he said, before dropping the mike, flicking his cigarette and going back into the White House.