Salt Lake City- As this year’s historic, 184th Annual General Conference wears on, many members of the faith find themselves with an increasing sense of dread, as at some point, the twice yearly miracle must always end.
“It’s like it all passes as though it were a dream,” lamented T. Steven Hutchins, as he prepared to sleep though the final session of conference. “I wish it could be conference all the time.”
An exit poll of Sunday morning session attendees found that 87% wished that they could totally feel this spirit forever.
“I personally find it hard to even pay attention to anything anyone is saying,” said Jenny Childs, as she gazed wistfully at a bunch of trees on the roof. “I mean, after the first Saturday session, all I can think about is how bad I just want it to keep going on, and for this spirit to never end.”
Many members find themselves with sore fingers by the end of the miraculous conference, having crossed them endlessly in hopes that some new revelation or exciting announcement will have occurred.
A random sample of people near the meandering stream on the roof of the conference center found that 95% wished that there would just be like one or two new revelations, for once.
“I was actually hoping for another mall, maybe like in Provo,” snarled BYU student Lindsay Newton, as she stared angrily at City Creek. “But I feel like all these feminist nut cases are ruining any chance of that. They obvi weren’t happy enough with the first mall the church gave them. Now they want the priesthood too? Why can’t they ever just be satisfied? City Creek is amazeballs.”